Proverbs 13:12 (ESV)
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The Nursery Tree
Beulah's awesome Aunt Ria used her artistic skills to add this beautiful tree to the nursery! The branches reach over Beulah's crib. I LOVE it! All that's left is for us to add the following verse. Perfect, huh?!!
Proverbs 13:12 (ESV)
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12 (ESV)
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Deadline!!
I had my 37 week appointment Friday. Yay! We're officially full term! Praise God!! Since Beulah has still not turned, the Doctor scheduled a c-section for Thursday, April 2nd. As soon as he left the room, I looked at Andy and said, "OK, God's got a deadline now!" :)
I have to admit, I went through a sort of grieving process (for the potential loss of labor) Friday and Saturday morning. I didn't call or talk to anybody because I knew what everyone was going to say. I KNEW what I SHOULD be thinking and feeling. "She'll get here in the perfect way God has planned." "When it's over and you see that healthy baby girl, you won't care how she got here!" "The important thing is that you're both safe." I knew I SHOULD be thinking and feeling that way, but I just couldn't make myself.
Some women have said that I'm lucky not to have to labor. They say they wish they could have just been wheeled in for surgery and not have had to go through the hours of work. So, why would I want to labor and need to grieve the loss of it? Crazy or not, honestly I was looking forward to doing the work and that moment of climax when she is born, feeling SO much relief and joy that's she's here and the work is done. Not to mention the fact that God moved my placenta out of the way and has prepared my body for a successful vaginal delivery. Plus, with my background in dance and knowledge of the body, I was looking forward to the physical challenge.
I've talked to several women, close friends and family, that labored for hours, only to end in a c-section. Those women went through a period of grief for their birth experience afterwards. I think it's natural and important to allow women to grieve without guilt. It's a loss for the experience the way God created it. Of course, it wouldn't be good to sit in the grief for too long or to overreact about it (whatever that looks like), but healthy grieving can be important and necessary.
Fortunately, Andy recognized my need to grieve, and prayed with me about it Friday. Saturday morning, I showed my weakness to two moms from church that I respect and admire. While they tried to encourage me, I still could not force myself to feel different. But, about an hour later, as I was being treated to a pedicure (see below) by Beulah's "aunt Danielle" and filling her in on "the plan", I started to get excited! There was an unexplainable difference in my attitude and feelings as I talked about meeting my sweet baby girl in a week and a half!! I could literally FEEL the prayers that Andy and those two moms had prayed for me, and thank God, He lifted what I could not.
I had to surrender MY will and the desires of my heart to God and His sovereignty. I KNOW He knows what's best and I trust that He has His reasons, even if I never know them. Who knows, He could be protecting us from something much worse! There are, after-all, some positive aspects to all this.
1. I have had time to grieve the loss of natural delivery BEFORE my baby comes, rather than after (which is the case for many women).
2. I feel GREAT! I'm pretty sure it's because I don't have a head in my pelvis or feet in my ribs. :)
3. This method is much more predictable and makes planning easy.
4. I will get to sleep through the night next Wednesday (as much as possible with aches, anxiety and excitement), wake up, calmly go to the hospital and meet my baby that morning! Then, I have the rest of the day with her, our parents and siblings.
5. I will meet my baby in a week and a half (after almost 7 years of waiting)!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!!
Now, does that mean we stop praying that she will turn? NO! If He wants to, God could still turn her before next Thursday! If He does that, I will consider it ANOTHER miracle! If you look at the picture below, Beulah is sitting in the Frank Breech position and has been for quite a while. I can't even IMAGINE how my little chunker could turn from that position with the lack of space she has in there. She seems quite comfortable and doesn't listen to our reason and logic about why she should turn. :) So, it would actually take the hand of God to guide her to the head down position. The statistics say that only 3-4% of babies are still breech by this point in pregnancy. And, as the high risk doctor told us, babies have typically declared their position by now. But, what does God care about statistics? If He wants to, He'll turn her. I know that for sure!
I've never been a girlie girl. I've had MAYBE three pedicures my whole life. Green is my favorite color, and I've typically avoided pink. But, when you're pregnant with a little girl, you can't help but think of her when you see pink. So, I chose pink as my toenail color in honor of her arrival. :)
Look at that Belly! This was taken at 36.5 weeks.
I have to admit, I went through a sort of grieving process (for the potential loss of labor) Friday and Saturday morning. I didn't call or talk to anybody because I knew what everyone was going to say. I KNEW what I SHOULD be thinking and feeling. "She'll get here in the perfect way God has planned." "When it's over and you see that healthy baby girl, you won't care how she got here!" "The important thing is that you're both safe." I knew I SHOULD be thinking and feeling that way, but I just couldn't make myself.
Some women have said that I'm lucky not to have to labor. They say they wish they could have just been wheeled in for surgery and not have had to go through the hours of work. So, why would I want to labor and need to grieve the loss of it? Crazy or not, honestly I was looking forward to doing the work and that moment of climax when she is born, feeling SO much relief and joy that's she's here and the work is done. Not to mention the fact that God moved my placenta out of the way and has prepared my body for a successful vaginal delivery. Plus, with my background in dance and knowledge of the body, I was looking forward to the physical challenge.
I've talked to several women, close friends and family, that labored for hours, only to end in a c-section. Those women went through a period of grief for their birth experience afterwards. I think it's natural and important to allow women to grieve without guilt. It's a loss for the experience the way God created it. Of course, it wouldn't be good to sit in the grief for too long or to overreact about it (whatever that looks like), but healthy grieving can be important and necessary.
Fortunately, Andy recognized my need to grieve, and prayed with me about it Friday. Saturday morning, I showed my weakness to two moms from church that I respect and admire. While they tried to encourage me, I still could not force myself to feel different. But, about an hour later, as I was being treated to a pedicure (see below) by Beulah's "aunt Danielle" and filling her in on "the plan", I started to get excited! There was an unexplainable difference in my attitude and feelings as I talked about meeting my sweet baby girl in a week and a half!! I could literally FEEL the prayers that Andy and those two moms had prayed for me, and thank God, He lifted what I could not.
I had to surrender MY will and the desires of my heart to God and His sovereignty. I KNOW He knows what's best and I trust that He has His reasons, even if I never know them. Who knows, He could be protecting us from something much worse! There are, after-all, some positive aspects to all this.
1. I have had time to grieve the loss of natural delivery BEFORE my baby comes, rather than after (which is the case for many women).
2. I feel GREAT! I'm pretty sure it's because I don't have a head in my pelvis or feet in my ribs. :)
3. This method is much more predictable and makes planning easy.
4. I will get to sleep through the night next Wednesday (as much as possible with aches, anxiety and excitement), wake up, calmly go to the hospital and meet my baby that morning! Then, I have the rest of the day with her, our parents and siblings.
5. I will meet my baby in a week and a half (after almost 7 years of waiting)!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!!
Now, does that mean we stop praying that she will turn? NO! If He wants to, God could still turn her before next Thursday! If He does that, I will consider it ANOTHER miracle! If you look at the picture below, Beulah is sitting in the Frank Breech position and has been for quite a while. I can't even IMAGINE how my little chunker could turn from that position with the lack of space she has in there. She seems quite comfortable and doesn't listen to our reason and logic about why she should turn. :) So, it would actually take the hand of God to guide her to the head down position. The statistics say that only 3-4% of babies are still breech by this point in pregnancy. And, as the high risk doctor told us, babies have typically declared their position by now. But, what does God care about statistics? If He wants to, He'll turn her. I know that for sure!
I've never been a girlie girl. I've had MAYBE three pedicures my whole life. Green is my favorite color, and I've typically avoided pink. But, when you're pregnant with a little girl, you can't help but think of her when you see pink. So, I chose pink as my toenail color in honor of her arrival. :)
Look at that Belly! This was taken at 36.5 weeks.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Pray with Us
Today I am 35+ weeks. Saturday I will be 36 weeks; NINE MONTHS PREGNANT!!! Unbelievable!!
We started our appointment with an ultrasound to see if Beulah has turned. I knew she hadn't, but I was excited to see her again anyway. We were SHOCKED to hear that our "little" girl has gained more than a pound in less than two weeks!! She is weighing in at a whopping 6 lbs 3 oz!! The tech said she's going to come out will fat rolls!! Check out this beautiful picture of her FAT little cheeks! I had fat cheeks 'til I graduated college. Guess she's going to take after her mama!
This is a straight on shot of her face. Her eyes are faded into the dark top, so you're looking at her nose, lips and CHEEKS!! What a little chunker!!
She is still sitting with her bottom at the bottom of my uterus and her head at the top. Her LONG gorgeous legs (measuring at 39 weeks!) are straight up in front of her face. :) She's a flexible little bugger; again, like her mama!
The doctor recommended doing an external cephalic version TOMORROW, before she gets any bigger! Basically, I would have to go to the hospital, be put on an IV, medicated to relax the uterus, and the doctors would turn Beulah with their hands, externally. They would have to monitor her heart rate and my fluid, and if there were any signs of complications (cord entanglement, etc.), they would have to go ahead and take her. There is only a 50% success rate, and even less with first time moms.
Because of the risks involved, the drugs required, the stats, and the fact that we want to leave it in God's hands, we decided against the version. We are stepping out on faith and trusting that God knows what's best. We believe whole heartedly that He can turn her and do a better job than the doctors. We also believe that He is sovereign over her birth. If I have to have a c-section because she doesn't turn, we believe He has His reasons for that. We would LOVE to see Him turn her (against all odds) and get all the glory for it rather than the doctors. So, we ask that you pray for that with us. She is currently only consuming the space from my mid-line to the left of my uterus. It appears that she has plenty of space to use the right side of my uterus, and she is VERY active (see video taken this week--35 weeks). So, there is no reason to believe she is settled into her birth position yet...not to mention we serve a God who specializes in the "impossible!" :)
Beulah moving 35 weeks from Michelle Crissinger on Vimeo.
I bust out laughing at the end because Andy was watching with his mouth hanging open saying, "Woah!!!!!"
We started our appointment with an ultrasound to see if Beulah has turned. I knew she hadn't, but I was excited to see her again anyway. We were SHOCKED to hear that our "little" girl has gained more than a pound in less than two weeks!! She is weighing in at a whopping 6 lbs 3 oz!! The tech said she's going to come out will fat rolls!! Check out this beautiful picture of her FAT little cheeks! I had fat cheeks 'til I graduated college. Guess she's going to take after her mama!
This is a straight on shot of her face. Her eyes are faded into the dark top, so you're looking at her nose, lips and CHEEKS!! What a little chunker!!
She is still sitting with her bottom at the bottom of my uterus and her head at the top. Her LONG gorgeous legs (measuring at 39 weeks!) are straight up in front of her face. :) She's a flexible little bugger; again, like her mama!
The doctor recommended doing an external cephalic version TOMORROW, before she gets any bigger! Basically, I would have to go to the hospital, be put on an IV, medicated to relax the uterus, and the doctors would turn Beulah with their hands, externally. They would have to monitor her heart rate and my fluid, and if there were any signs of complications (cord entanglement, etc.), they would have to go ahead and take her. There is only a 50% success rate, and even less with first time moms.
Because of the risks involved, the drugs required, the stats, and the fact that we want to leave it in God's hands, we decided against the version. We are stepping out on faith and trusting that God knows what's best. We believe whole heartedly that He can turn her and do a better job than the doctors. We also believe that He is sovereign over her birth. If I have to have a c-section because she doesn't turn, we believe He has His reasons for that. We would LOVE to see Him turn her (against all odds) and get all the glory for it rather than the doctors. So, we ask that you pray for that with us. She is currently only consuming the space from my mid-line to the left of my uterus. It appears that she has plenty of space to use the right side of my uterus, and she is VERY active (see video taken this week--35 weeks). So, there is no reason to believe she is settled into her birth position yet...not to mention we serve a God who specializes in the "impossible!" :)
Beulah moving 35 weeks from Michelle Crissinger on Vimeo.
I bust out laughing at the end because Andy was watching with his mouth hanging open saying, "Woah!!!!!"
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Things I didn't know about pregnancy
First of all, I have to thank all of my friends and family who talked candidly to me over the past several years about their pregnancy and birth experiences. While not everyone wants to hear all of the stories, I typically ask to hear them because I like to be as informed as possible. Of course, there are things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman under any circumstance...but that's a different post. :) For now I'll just say that the knowledge I gained from hearing other women's experiences helped prepare me so much that there wasn't much I hadn't already heard. However, here are a few things that slipped by me.
I didn't know...
1. that your hips start spreading early in pregnancy. I went to the gym one day and couldn't fit into the pants I had worn the week before! I had to leave and go home!
2. that your feet grow at least a half size. From what I hear, they stay that way! I guess when we think of buying maternity clothes we can't leave out shoes! But, I have found that Dr. Scholls inserts help big time with arch support!
3. how flakey and dry my skin would be. It doesn't matter how much lotion I put on! I should just start wearing oil.
4. how bad "mommy mush brain" can actually be. I can send an e-mail reminding someone of something and forget it myself by the next day!
5. about "pregnancy miseries". As our high risk doctor said, "It's not intended to be a funny name. The pains are very real and can be intense. But, fortunately, they're typically not harmful."
6. that it's hard to talk to people about your birth plans because they have their own experiences (or know someone who...) that have permanently colored their beliefs.
7. that the dog I've had for 6 years, the one I used to think of as my baby, would absolutely drive me crazy during pregnancy! He has become the most needy creature. He sits across the room and just stares at me without moving. It's very unnerving. Apparently it's pretty common for pets to change their behavior because they sense you are changing.
8. that being a passenger in a car would be the most stressful event in my life. I KNOW I'm overreacting, but I can't help it! Whoever is driving never stops soon enough and all other cars are WAY too close to me.
9. about "placenta lakes" or that they can be "normal".
I didn't know...
1. that your hips start spreading early in pregnancy. I went to the gym one day and couldn't fit into the pants I had worn the week before! I had to leave and go home!
2. that your feet grow at least a half size. From what I hear, they stay that way! I guess when we think of buying maternity clothes we can't leave out shoes! But, I have found that Dr. Scholls inserts help big time with arch support!
3. how flakey and dry my skin would be. It doesn't matter how much lotion I put on! I should just start wearing oil.
4. how bad "mommy mush brain" can actually be. I can send an e-mail reminding someone of something and forget it myself by the next day!
5. about "pregnancy miseries". As our high risk doctor said, "It's not intended to be a funny name. The pains are very real and can be intense. But, fortunately, they're typically not harmful."
6. that it's hard to talk to people about your birth plans because they have their own experiences (or know someone who...) that have permanently colored their beliefs.
7. that the dog I've had for 6 years, the one I used to think of as my baby, would absolutely drive me crazy during pregnancy! He has become the most needy creature. He sits across the room and just stares at me without moving. It's very unnerving. Apparently it's pretty common for pets to change their behavior because they sense you are changing.
8. that being a passenger in a car would be the most stressful event in my life. I KNOW I'm overreacting, but I can't help it! Whoever is driving never stops soon enough and all other cars are WAY too close to me.
9. about "placenta lakes" or that they can be "normal".
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Nursery!!
We are READY for Ms. Beulah! We worked hard last week to get the nursery ready before our families came. I did more than I should have as evidenced by my swollen feet and ankles. :) I wish we could take a picture of the whole room at once because the full effect is REALLY cozy and we LOVE it! But, here you'll see it in pieces. The nursery is actually connected to our bedroom. It is intended to be a study, but it makes a perfect nursery! We LOVE looking in there and anticipating her being in there soon! My dad is refinishing the rocking chair that has been passed down from when my mom was a baby. I was rocked in that chair too. So, that will replace the black chair when he's finished.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Latest Beulah Pix!
Saturday our families came to town and we got to take them all to see a 3D ultrasound of Beulah! It was wonderful to hear the oohs and aahs of Beulah's Ninnie & Paw Paw, Nana & Pop Pop, Aunt Heather, and of course Mom & Dad. Beulah weighed in at a whopping 5 lbs. 1 oz! She had gained 2 oz since Monday!
Beulah is super flexible like her mom. The tech had a hard time getting a good picture of her face because her feet and hands were in front of her face the whole time! She is sitting on her little bottom (which is on my bladder), and just plays with her feet all day. What a life! And, what a treat to see her. At one point, we even got to see her open her eyes and move her eye ball around! I can't believe it's possible to see her in such detail when she's still inside my belly. I thank God for our precious little girl, and in 3-6 weeks we'll get to hold her in our arms!! I can't even handle it!!!
sweet fingers
bottom of her foot: See those yummy, chubby toes?!!
Beulah is super flexible like her mom. The tech had a hard time getting a good picture of her face because her feet and hands were in front of her face the whole time! She is sitting on her little bottom (which is on my bladder), and just plays with her feet all day. What a life! And, what a treat to see her. At one point, we even got to see her open her eyes and move her eye ball around! I can't believe it's possible to see her in such detail when she's still inside my belly. I thank God for our precious little girl, and in 3-6 weeks we'll get to hold her in our arms!! I can't even handle it!!!
sweet fingers
bottom of her foot: See those yummy, chubby toes?!!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Turn Around, Bright Eyes
We've known for a while that Beulah was breech. I mean, when I get up in the middle of the night, I can feel her head up in my ribs, almost like she's standing straight up! I keep telling her there's more room "down there" for her head to grow, but she's not listening to me. :) Monday, the high risk doctor told us that at this point babies are pretty much settled into their birth position.
So, we're praying she turns very soon. I mean, the placenta has moved out of the way completely and everything is in place for me to have a natural birth...except Beulah. While I will be more than thrilled to meet her no matter how she gets here, and I trust that God is sovereign over her birth, I pray that I will be able to experience a natural birth. I went online and looked at several different methods recommended to help a breech baby turn. If I'm not careful, I could get obsessed trying them all and thinking about it all the time. So, while I'm praying that she will turn, I'm also praying that I can remember that I am not in control and I can trust God in whatever happens. I appreciate your prayers about this too.
So, we're praying she turns very soon. I mean, the placenta has moved out of the way completely and everything is in place for me to have a natural birth...except Beulah. While I will be more than thrilled to meet her no matter how she gets here, and I trust that God is sovereign over her birth, I pray that I will be able to experience a natural birth. I went online and looked at several different methods recommended to help a breech baby turn. If I'm not careful, I could get obsessed trying them all and thinking about it all the time. So, while I'm praying that she will turn, I'm also praying that I can remember that I am not in control and I can trust God in whatever happens. I appreciate your prayers about this too.
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