Final Thoughts Before D-Day!

1. One day while I was praying for Beulah, I asked God to help me to be a selfless mother. I don't want tiredness or my own selfish desires to effect the way I respond to or show love to Beulah. So, in my prayer I said, "Help me to be all about HER." Then, like a slap to the back of my hand, I almost audibly heard Him say, "Don't you mean, 'Help me to be all about YOU?'" My heart sank. How easy it is to forget the proper order of things.

I then started to think about all of the problems that come from putting your children before God. After teaching in the pubic schools, it's easy to spot that misalignment simply by the way the child believes s/he is the center of everybody's universe (not just his/her parents' universe). They experience a tremendous amount of frustration and confusion when they realize that they will never be the center or anyone else's universe (until they're married or have children of their own). When they think it's all about them, they don't understand when their teacher, coach, boss, etc. doesn't put them on a pedestal like mommy and daddy do. But, if we put God at the center of our universe, the child sees that and realizes there's something greater than him/her. Modeling the behavior we want our children to emulate is one of the greatest teaching tools we have. It would be very easy for me to blindly allow that misalignment to happen in our family after waiting so many years to be a mommy. So, I will have to constantly check my priorities once she's here.

2. God has set the precedent for parenthood from before Beulah was even conceived. Because of our experiences with infertility, we have learned that we are not in control, He is. When we thought we may be in danger because of Vesa Previa, we had to rely on prayer and His grace for healing. When the placenta lakes were found and the doctors told us they may have to take her early, we had to trust His sovereignty. When the doctors told me I had to keep watch over fetal movement as a result of bleeding, He showed me that He loves her more than I do, and I won't have to worry. Her life is in the LORD's hands, the most capable hands. Besides that fact that I am not in control, that He loves her more than me, and that she is His child, it's comforting to know that He knit her together in my womb. (Psalm 119)

3. Despite my desire to deliver her naturally, God has given me such a peace about having a c-section. Thank you for your prayers about this. As disappointed as we were not to get to meet her Thursday, we were also very thankful for the extra couple of days. We had worked so hard to get the house ready for her homecoming that we were worn out and tense on Thursday morning, even though we didn't realize it until we came down from our high of thinking we were going to get to hold our daughter in our arms that day. But, God knew. In his sovereign mercy, He gave us a couple of extra days of rest. And, as I showered tonight in preparation for tomorrow, I felt so relaxed, calm, excited, and peaceful. I couldn't be more thankful to our God who knows our every need and works everything out for our good. What a loving God He is! Even when we don't understand what's happening at the time, we can trust His love and sovereignty.

4. I'm going to meet my daughter tomorrow!! (Hopefully!)

Things I didn't know about pregnancy

First of all, I have to thank all of my friends and family who talked candidly to me over the past several years about their pregnancy and birth experiences. While not everyone wants to hear all of the stories, I typically ask to hear them because I like to be as informed as possible. Of course, there are things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman under any circumstance...but that's a different post. :) For now I'll just say that the knowledge I gained from hearing other women's experiences helped prepare me so much that there wasn't much I hadn't already heard. However, here are a few things that slipped by me.

I didn't know...

1. that your hips start spreading early in pregnancy. I went to the gym one day and couldn't fit into the pants I had worn the week before! I had to leave and go home!

2. that your feet grow at least a half size. From what I hear, they stay that way! I guess when we think of buying maternity clothes we can't leave out shoes! But, I have found that Dr. Scholls inserts help big time with arch support!

3. how flakey and dry my skin would be. It doesn't matter how much lotion I put on! I should just start wearing oil.

4. how bad "mommy mush brain" can actually be. I can send an e-mail reminding someone of something and forget it myself by the next day!

5. about "pregnancy miseries". As our high risk doctor said, "It's not intended to be a funny name. The pains are very real and can be intense. But, fortunately, they're typically not harmful."

6. that it's hard to talk to people about your birth plans because they have their own experiences (or know someone who...) that have permanently colored their beliefs.

7. that the dog I've had for 6 years, the one I used to think of as my baby, would absolutely drive me crazy during pregnancy! He has become the most needy creature. He sits across the room and just stares at me without moving. It's very unnerving. Apparently it's pretty common for pets to change their behavior because they sense you are changing.

8. that being a passenger in a car would be the most stressful event in my life. I KNOW I'm overreacting, but I can't help it! Whoever is driving never stops soon enough and all other cars are WAY too close to me.

9. about "placenta lakes" or that they can be "normal".

Our Crazy Day!

I'll start from the beginning.

7:00 AM - I woke up to discover that I had been bleeding in the night. Andy (calm and collected-thank God!) called the doctor.

7:11 - The midwife on call returned the call, asked questions, and recommended I call the ob-gyn when the office opened at 8:00 to see if they could fit me in today.

8:00 - I called the ob-gyn and got an appointment for 9:45.

9:45 - We saw the midwife, who asked a bunch of questions and did an exam. She said she didn't see any active (red) bleeding. It all looked like old (brown) blood, which is good. The doppler showed that Beulah's heartbeat was strong! But, she recommended we have an ultrasound to look at the placenta.

10:30 - The ultrasound showed Beulah playing with her sweet little toes! Too cute! She said Beulah has "chubby toes" and is weighing in at 4 lbs 15 oz!! She's a big girl! She looked great, and wasn't in distress at all. She is breech, but that's another story. However, the view of the placenta showed some dark spots. As she was looking at them, she said, "It looks like you're going to be heading back to the Women's Center (the high risk doctor)." She left the room to talk to the doctor. A few minutes later a nurse came in and said the tech was on the phone and needed some text books. Hmm, that didn't sound good! The midwife came in several minutes later to tell us that they weren't exactly sure what they were seeing and had made me an appointment at 12:45 with the specialist. They said that if Beulah was in distress at all or if the placenta wasn't supplying her with everything she needed, they may have to take her!

11:20 - We called our families and some friends we knew would be home and asked them to pray. By God's grace, we had an unexplainable peace.

11:30 - Andy took me to Brixx, my favorite brick oven pizza restaurant. I told Andy that I wanted to go there before we had the baby, and we thought this may be our last chance!

12:45 PM - I had another ultrasound, during which Beulah was still happily playing with her toes. :) After the ultrasound, the tech brought the doctor in, who did his own ultrasound. He asked questions as he looked. He said the dark spots are "placenta lakes", pockets of blood, which can be normal! He looked for blood behind the placenta (which would be bad), but didn't see any. In the end he said he thought everything was fine! What?! Of course! We found out later that in the short amount of time since we had called family and friends, they had spread the word and we had been added to several prayer lists! This child has been a miracle from conception, she is in God's hands. What better hands could she be in? We don't have to worry. What a relief!

2:00 - We drove home praising God.

4:00 - We took a nap. :)

Thank you for your prayers today. They were heard once again! While we want Beulah to stay in as long as she can to develop fully, we'd be lying if we said we weren't a little excited at the thought of meeting her. We'll wait till she's ready though. :)

HUGE Praise!!!

Your prayers have been heard!! We went to the high risk doctor this morning. The first person we saw was the ultrasound tech, and as it turns out, she goes to Eternal and heard Andy preach about us having been infertile for six years before the pregnancy! She was amazing! She did a full anatomy scan of Beulah and said she looks very healthy (another praise!). THEN, she switched on the 3D ultrasound and gave us these!!



We are totally in love with this little girl and can't believe she actually smiled at the camera! What a ham! Already!

Next, the Doctor came in. He was the absolute sweetest man. He did a bit of the scanning himself, but he was looking at the placenta. The original concern was that I might have a condition called vasa previa. I didn't understand that at the time of my last visit with my ob/gyn, but it is much more serious than placenta previa. Placenta previa is where the placenta is blocking the cervix. Vasa previa is where blood vessels or the umbilical cord are between the fetus and the cervix. Click on the link to read more.

The Doctor was looking for the point where the umbilical cord inserts into the placenta. He found the insertion point high up on my right side! So, he ruled out vasa previa! The next order of business was to see where the end of the placenta was and if it was still blocking the cervix. It wasn't!!! It was sitting just to the side of the cervix!! We (including the Doctor) were ecstatic! He said he'd like for me to continue on pelvic rest since it was so close, just to prevent bleeding. But, he thought it looked very promising for the placenta to continue to grow UP as my uterus continues to grow. He did not see any reason to believe that a c-section is inevitable. By the time she's ready to get here, that placenta could be out of the way and I could deliver naturally!!! Hallelujah!!

We just praised God all the way home! We are floating on cloud 9 and honestly can not thank YOU all enough for your prayers. God is good!!

High Risk?

Friday was my 28 week check up, glucose screening, and the follow-up ultra sound they promised when they saw my low lying placenta in the last ultra sound.  At the time, there wasn't much concern because they figured the placenta would move up as my uterus grew.  This was just a precaution to be sure that it had.

In the ultra sound we saw that Beulah is doing great, praise the LORD! She has beautiful long (dancer) legs, and her hands were clasped in a prayer position up by her face. Precious!

leg and foot (up left)

praying hands

After the scan we went back to see the doctor. She told us that in all of her 9 years of practice she's never seen a low lying placenta do what mine did. It went down instead of up. Which means I have placenta previa. I have been placed on "pelvic rest", which limits my physical activities, including exercise, house work, grocery shopping, intimacy, etc. Thankfully, I haven't had any bleeding, so they aren't putting me on bed-rest...yet. If I see any blood, I have to call the "authorities" immediately. Oh, and I've now been labeled a "high risk pregnancy".

Beulah is not in danger at this point. The only way this would be a problem for her is if I went into labor. They believe I have a blood vessel running along my cervix that is supplying blood to Beulah. If I were to dialte at all, the blood vessel would rupture, which would be a danger for us both. The only way to be sure that doesn't happen is to deliver her by c-section up to three weeks before her due date.  The doctor, who has been cold and uninterested in the past, rolled her stool up next to me, put her hand on my knee, looked me in the eyes and said, "This is serious. Do you understand?"

To be sure they know exactly what is going on, they are sending me to a high risk doctor Friday at 8 AM. I'm not sure exactly what that will entail, but I think they'll be using a higher powered machine to see the blood vessels clearly to make sure Beulah is getting what she needs from the placenta.  If the vessels are showing signs of constriction at all, I will be put on bed-rest.  Of course I'll let you know what the doctor says.

Sunday, some friends along with the elders of our church filled the tiny chapel at the YMCA to pray over us (James 5:14).  It was the most amazing moment.  As they were praying, Beulah was moving more than she's ever moved at once!  After one person prayed, the next would say that the words that were on their heart had already been spoken by someone else.  They prayed for protection for me & Beulah and prayed that God would move my placenta out of the way if it's His will.  Our hearts and prayers were all in unity, and we left with such a peace and calm in our hearts (Matthew 18:20).  No matter how God chooses to bring Beulah into the world, we feel confident that both she and I will be safe and healthy.  Thankfully, I haven't worried too much, and my peace has been confirmed through others who are praying for us.  My cousin said that every time she sits down to pray for us, God tells her to "Move on.  I've got this one covered."  :)

While we were praying, one of our elders found this comforting verse.

Isaiah 66:9  "Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?" says the LORD.  "Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?" says your God.

These encouraging words have also been given to us from multiple sources this week.

Philippians 1:6  "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion..."

Philippians 4:6-7  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

In the past week, many women have shared similar stories about placenta previa.  In some cases the placenta moved and they were able to deliver "naturally".  In others, the babies were successfully delivered by cesarian.  We're praying that God will move the placenta (Matthew 17:20), but we trust His sovereignty no matter how she gets here (Psalm 56:3, Isaiah 26:3-4).  Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!  We are so excited that we're getting close to meeting our baby girl!!