The First of Many

Yesterday we stopped at Wendy's on our way down to FL. Unlike Andy, I'm one of those people that isn't afraid to look strangers in the eye and compliment them. As we were walking past this woman playing with her baby, I said to Andy, loudly enough for them to hear, "Look how cute she is!" We smiled at each other and she said, "I see your baby bump!"

I thought it was brave of her to say, especially since I'm still not too big yet. But, it sure did make me happy to hear it. :)

Scary

Tuesday I learned that a friend had a miscarriage. All day Wednesday I thought about her and prayed that God would comfort her and her husband. I tried to imagine how she must feel by trying to put myself in her shoes, but of course, I can't really know.

As we sat down for dinner Wednesday night, I started getting this sharp pain in my stomach. It continued to get worse during dinner. It was like a contraction in my stomach, not my lower abdomen where the baby is, but just above my belly button. After sitting for a while I couldn't stand straight because it felt like something was pulling and it kept getting worse. I went to the bathroom to check for blood, but praise the Lord, there was none.

I decided to take a shower, and after almost three hours of this sharp pain surging and releasing non-stop, I just got down on my knees in the shower and prayed to the only one who could make it stop. About five minutes later the pain was gone for good.

I am SO thankful to God that everything seems to be OK. But, please remember my friend when you pray.

I Saw My Baby Yesterday!!!

Have you ever been really excited about something just to have your joy squashed by someone's words?  I don't know if we realize how powerful our tongue can be.  If you tell people that you're pregnant before your second trimester you better be prepared to hear a variety of responses.  Most people we told were ecstatic, but the ones that showed hesitation to be excited or asked questions that were leading to the possibility of miscarriage or other complications, those were the ones that stuck to me.  I mean, I understand why.  Some of them have been through some really traumatic experiences and don't want to see us hurt.

Most of the time I could fight off the fear by reminding myself that God is the one that made this happen in the first place and that He would take care of this baby, but then my fear would consume me again when I had a few days without symptoms and thought that maybe the baby had stopped developing.  So, you can imagine the anxiety with which I climbed up on the table yesterday for my first ultra sound.  I knew this was the moment that would determine my journey for the months ahead.

If you've been through this before, you know that feeling...I'm laying there with hopes and fears swirling around together, dying to know which will win.  The ultra sound tech puts the warm gel on my belly, I hold my breath and grab Andy's hand as she puts the wand to my abdomen, and there it is...the most beautiful sight a mother could see, MY BABY!!!!  We gasp together and watch eagerly as she scrolls over this tiny little person inside me.  How amazing it is to see that tiny little beating heart, that gorgeous spine, those arms and legs moving, the two hemispheres of the brain!!  She said she could see the bladder, which means the kidneys must be functioning properly!  I'm not typically so attracted to organs which is one reason I knew I could never work in the medical field, but I must say, I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life!!  We got a DVD of the whole sonogram and our first baby pictures to capture the moment.  What a treasure!  I'll post some ASAP so you can meet baby Crissinger.  Uncle Mike is getting married this weekend, so we haven't had time to do it yet...maybe next week.

I am so incredibly thankful for this blessing.  I know that I have been guarding my heart and not letting myself fall in love with this baby for fear that I would lose him/her.  But, seeing him/her on the screen yesterday changed that...and the bonding begins!

A Great Moment!

I am quickly growing out of my clothes, so Andy took me to Babies R Us to get some maternity pants in case I get a substitute job and need to dress up.  As we were pulling into the parking spot, I looked up and noticed Andy had pulled into the "Expectant Mom's" spot!!!  I bounced in my seat and clapped my hands like a little kid.  I kept saying, "Yeah!  This is SO great!  This is SO great!"  I used to kind of roll my eyes when I passed those spots.  Not anymore!  Praise God!

Thoughts

A very sweet friend has offered to make the most amazing gift for me.  She will be taking belly pictures of me throughout the pregnancy and then putting them together in a sort of timeline.  She has asked me to send her some of my thoughts that she may use for the gift.  Here is what I sent her after my first picture was taken.

1. One of my favorite verses that I held onto throughout my time of infertility:  Psalm 113:9  
2. God has a plan for this child as his/her very existence is a miracle that has grown the faith of so many even before his/her birth.
3. There is no other way to parent than to trust the God of the universe to care for your child, even from the womb.
4. Nothing can make you fear more than the thought of harm coming to your child, even in the womb.
5. I had a beautiful dream of bathing and nursing our new little bundle.  I love him/her already.
6. It is such a privilege to experience the miracle of life developing inside your body.  Only God can do that.
7. It's easier for me to believe in a God I can't see with my eyes than it is to believe this baby that I can't see is actually there. 

2nd Doctor's Visit

At my second visit, I was 8.5 weeks.  I was excited to think that I might get to hear the heartbeat through a doppler, and I wanted to hear the doctor say things were progressing well.  Boy was I disappointed!  She didn't even examine me.  I didn't pee in a cup, change into a gown...nothing!  She asked me if I was having symptoms, told me my blood tests came back good, and that was it!  At this early stage, a girl just wants to hear the doctor say everything looks good.  But, we scheduled an ultra screening for 12 weeks, so I'm excited that we'll get to SEE the baby at that point!

1st Doctor's Visit

I couldn't WAIT to get to my first doctor's visit!  Even though three test sticks and indigestion were telling me I am pregnant, I still wanted confirmation from a doctor.  Unfortunately, the two days before had been kind of rough for me.  Let's just say, that morning I was in the bathroom three times between 5:00-5:30 AM, and I wasn't pukin'.  I was seriously worried about dehydration at that point.  Andy had to put a chair in the bathroom for me to sit on while I got ready for the appointment.

I was so happy to have Andy there with me at the appointment.  I had to rush to the bathroom once while waiting to get called back.  When I was called, the nurse said, "The first thing I'm going to need from you is a clean urine sample."

Me:  "I don't think I'm going to be able to give you that."

(before she let me explain why I would say such a thing) Nurse:  "Well, we can't put you in a room until we verify the pregnancy and we can't do that without a urine sample."

Me:  "Could you hold on for just in minute and let me explain?  I have been in the bathroom for two days straight and haven't HAD any urine in the past few hours."

Nurse:  "Well, all we need is a couple of drops to get a positive result, and we can't go forward without it."

Me:  "You can't do a blood test?"

Nurse:  "You need a doctor's authorization for that."

Andy:  "Can you just work with her here?  She's sick!"

Nurse:  "I'm sorry, this is how we do it here.  All we need is a couple of drops."

Me:  "Well, I'll see what I can do then."

I couldn't even fill the bottom of the cup, but it was enough to get the positive, which made me VERY happy!  As we rounded the corner for a weight and blood pressure check, the second nurse we encountered said, "So, you're sick as a dog, huh?"  I guess our reputation had proceeded us.

The rest of the appointment went much smoother.  It was the first time I've seen a male doctor, but we both liked him a lot.  He was funny and didn't make me feel weird at all.  When he examined me he said, "Well, you're just out of the gate, girl!"  He said I was 4.5 weeks.  He told me he had seen a lot of women that week with a virus and that was probably what was probably what I had.  He told me to take Immodium.

It felt so good to be taken back to the room that only pregnant women get to go to when they talk to the nurse about options for tests, what to eat and not eat, etc.  I told the nurse, "I've been waiting a long time to have this conversation with you."  She gave me lots of things to read.  I realized that I've done plenty of reading on parenting styles, but I hadn't expected to have to think about pregnancy, birth/delivery, or breast-feeding!  I've got lots to learn!