Redemption Day!

I am officially renaming Mother's Day "Redemption Day" starting this year. If you have followed my infertility and adoption blog, you know that Mother's Day has been a day of dread for me for six years. Four years ago on Mother's Day I thought I would "buck up" and go to church to help hand out flowers and serve muffins to the moms there. That wasn't the best idea. The next year I didn't go to church on Mother's Day because I didn't want to have to stay seated if the moms were asked to stand to be recognized. Two years ago I thought it'd be easier if I spent Mother's Day with my mom. It helped to focus on her instead of me. Last year was even better as we were awaiting a child through adoption. Even though I wasn't actually a "mom" on Mother's Day, I was close enough to celebrate in faith that I would be soon.

Now, in 2009, God has not only blessed me with a precious baby, this Sunday we will have the privilege of baptizing her on the day that has haunted me for so long. I can't think of a more perfect redemption than that! (In case you're interested or just curious, here is some literature regarding infant baptism, and here is a sermon by Pastor Skip MacMillan of our church, Eternal, in Fort Mill.)

Late at night, as I'm feeding my precious little girl, I tell her about all the years we've waited for her. I tell her the story of how she got here and what a miracle she is, and I can't help but weep. Then I praise God for his grace in allowing me to be the mother of this child that He has already used to bring glory to Himself, and I pray that her little life would always be "to the praise of His glory." (Ephesians 1:11-14)

The greatest lessons I've learned in the short time I've been a mom are 1) we are not in control, and 2) love for your child is different than any love you've ever known.

1) As individuals, especially as adults, we deceive ourselves by thinking we have some sort of control over our lives. We can make things go the way we want to some extent. But, as a parent you realize what little control you actually have. You can't make your newborn eat. You can't take away her pain. You can't...(Insert your own experience here.) You have no choice but to pray and trust that He will help your little one in ways that you can't. The good news is, He will! He hears your prayers on their behalf, and His mercies are new everyday! Praise the LORD!

2) You've known love for your parents, siblings, other family and friends, your spouse, but love for a child...that's a new sort of love that can't really be described. I think my mom said it best. As she was holding her new grand-baby, she said, "God has to condition our hearts for this, because if He didn't, it'd burst right open." When I hear that people are in pain, I feel bad for them and try to pray for them, but when my baby is in pain, I cry and beg God for mercy on her behalf. Beulah has been having some intestinal issues. As she was crying out in pain last night and we were asking God for help, God said, "Now you know how I felt watching my Son on the Cross." Woah. How's that for perspective? And He endured that for us? I didn't really understand that pain until I experienced love for my own child.

There is nothing like the moment when your infant looks into your eyes and smiles with recognition. The first time your baby stops crying when she is put in your arms will melt your heart. And when she's older and she comes running to you crying when she's sick or hurt...that's what makes you her mama.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there. To those of you who are still waiting, I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel OK about Mother's Day approaching. So, I will just say, I love you and am praying for your Redemption Day. If you need to talk, I am here.

Thanks, Matt Mow, for the amazing photo!