Final Thoughts Before D-Day!

1. One day while I was praying for Beulah, I asked God to help me to be a selfless mother. I don't want tiredness or my own selfish desires to effect the way I respond to or show love to Beulah. So, in my prayer I said, "Help me to be all about HER." Then, like a slap to the back of my hand, I almost audibly heard Him say, "Don't you mean, 'Help me to be all about YOU?'" My heart sank. How easy it is to forget the proper order of things.

I then started to think about all of the problems that come from putting your children before God. After teaching in the pubic schools, it's easy to spot that misalignment simply by the way the child believes s/he is the center of everybody's universe (not just his/her parents' universe). They experience a tremendous amount of frustration and confusion when they realize that they will never be the center or anyone else's universe (until they're married or have children of their own). When they think it's all about them, they don't understand when their teacher, coach, boss, etc. doesn't put them on a pedestal like mommy and daddy do. But, if we put God at the center of our universe, the child sees that and realizes there's something greater than him/her. Modeling the behavior we want our children to emulate is one of the greatest teaching tools we have. It would be very easy for me to blindly allow that misalignment to happen in our family after waiting so many years to be a mommy. So, I will have to constantly check my priorities once she's here.

2. God has set the precedent for parenthood from before Beulah was even conceived. Because of our experiences with infertility, we have learned that we are not in control, He is. When we thought we may be in danger because of Vesa Previa, we had to rely on prayer and His grace for healing. When the placenta lakes were found and the doctors told us they may have to take her early, we had to trust His sovereignty. When the doctors told me I had to keep watch over fetal movement as a result of bleeding, He showed me that He loves her more than I do, and I won't have to worry. Her life is in the LORD's hands, the most capable hands. Besides that fact that I am not in control, that He loves her more than me, and that she is His child, it's comforting to know that He knit her together in my womb. (Psalm 119)

3. Despite my desire to deliver her naturally, God has given me such a peace about having a c-section. Thank you for your prayers about this. As disappointed as we were not to get to meet her Thursday, we were also very thankful for the extra couple of days. We had worked so hard to get the house ready for her homecoming that we were worn out and tense on Thursday morning, even though we didn't realize it until we came down from our high of thinking we were going to get to hold our daughter in our arms that day. But, God knew. In his sovereign mercy, He gave us a couple of extra days of rest. And, as I showered tonight in preparation for tomorrow, I felt so relaxed, calm, excited, and peaceful. I couldn't be more thankful to our God who knows our every need and works everything out for our good. What a loving God He is! Even when we don't understand what's happening at the time, we can trust His love and sovereignty.

4. I'm going to meet my daughter tomorrow!! (Hopefully!)