Noise VS Solitude

Back in September, Skip preached a sermon at Eternal about Living with the End in Mind. As the message progressed, I became increasingly aware of how temporal my thinking had become since I got pregnant. I started this post that week, but felt that my meditation on the issue wasn't complete, so I couldn't post it. Now, I feel like I have a lot more insight to share.

Since I stopped working full time in the summer of '08, thoughts of pregnancy, caring for a baby, and being a mom consumed me, I've regretted the fact that I haven't spent time in the Word. I blamed God, telling Him that He wasn't giving me the desire and saying, "I can't manufacture a desire, can I?" In other words, "What are YOU going to do about this?" I knew I needed it, but the blame was in the wrong place. I was just blind to the real reason I didn't have the desire at the time.

Looking back, I have realized that the one major contributor to my distance from God was television. I had no idea how much it was consuming my thought life and what a distraction it was to me. Breaking up with TV has been the best thing I've done for myself, my spirit, and my family.

Billy Graham said, "Mothers should cultivate their souls that in turn they may cultivate the souls of their children."

Jean Fleming, author of A Mother's Heart put it this way, "The single most important decision a mother can make is to develop her own life with God. Unless she nurtures herself spiritually first, she will have no base from which to have a positive spiritual influence on her children."

I knew this. The problem was, I was so distant that I couldn't see how deeply my addiction to TV was affecting me (or my family). Even when I wasn't actively listening to what was being said on the TV, it was still consuming the second space of my mind. What I mean is, there was never any quiet time in my head to think about or listen to God because there was always noise. Besides that, I didn't realize how much of what I was hearing throughout the day was infiltrating my mind. Culture influences us, especially when we spend a greater part of the day listening to it's "wisdom" rather than the LORD's. I counted on TV to be my companion, not God.

I wonder if postpartum would have been as hard if my spiritual life had been more in tact. That's not to say that postpartum depression is not real or that women don't have different degrees of it. It most certainly IS real, and I can't attribute the full scope of it to spiritual issues. I just wonder, for myself, how much my lack of listening and meditating contributed to the depths of my depression and lack of hope.

Someone whose spirit is not being fed is less patient, and therefore less loving, kind, and gentle. S/He will find that living in a state of peace and finding joy in everyday responsibilities and relationships is challenging, if not impossible. Think for a minute how this affects your family. I regret the time I've spent away from God. I've missed out on blessings, and have, no doubt, made things difficult for my family.

Fortunately, God didn't leave me alone. He placed in me the desire to turn off the TV. At the time, I thought it was for Beulah's sake. Now I realize that it was for my own, and in turn for my whole family. I know a lot of you were praying for me. You shared with me how much you have enjoyed living without TV, and I wanted that too. THANK YOU for your prayers! God made it easy for me to quit! After only a day or two without TV, I would consider watching it for 30 minutes or an hour while Beulah was sleeping and I was cleaning up. I would turn it on, and after 10 minutes I was uninterested or disgusted and had to turn it off. Instead, I've listened to sermons online or watched DVDs on parenting that have changed my life! (More on that in a future post.) These days, the only thing you'll see on the TV during the daytime is the Weather Channel. Beulah and I like the music. :)

If your prayer life and desire to read the Word is suffering, consider the source of the noise consuming your head space. If your spirit is crippled by a TV addiction like mine was, I challenge you to turn it off. Give it a week, and see what God does in your life. I feel like I have been revived, and I want that for you too.

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will." Praise God!!

If you need help, check out Mark Driscoll's blog series Organizing a Silence and Solitude Day.