Being a Mother

When we were struggling with infertility, I wrote a blog post titled "Romanticized". It was a time, before children, when I realized pregnancy and parenthood wouldn't be as easy or romantic as I had built them up to be in my mind. Now, having been pregnant and a parent for two years, I can say that I had romanticized it even more than I knew.

I was 31 years old when I got pregnant and gave birth to Beulah. Before that, my schedule was wide open and completely flexible. I could hop in the car whenever I wanted. All I had to take with me was my keys, my cell phone, and my debit card and license in my back pocket. I could zip in and out of stores in no time at all. I could work out any time of day. I could meet someone for coffee or stop by a friend's house on a whim. I could write a blog post or read a book in a straight, two hour sitting. I could have devotional time whenever I wanted for as long as I wanted. I could take a long, relaxing shower or nap any time of day. I could fluff and fold a load of laundry while they were all still warm. I could cook a meal while listening to good music, a sermon, or watching T.V. I could clean and be confident it would stay clean until the guests had come and gone. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. Andy and I could go out to dinner and have nice long chats. We could travel without too much fuss.

Having a child changed all that. Now, my schedule is determined by her schedule. Going to the store means taking a significant amount of time to get her ready (clean diaper, shoes, etc.), pack her diaper bag, get her in and out of the car and cart, keep her happy in the store, etc. Working out, devotional time, and showers compete for the early morning hours. Conversations with friends are disjointed and subject to interruption at any given moment. Blog writing is mostly non-existent. Our clothes are often wrinkled. Cooking is typically done with a toddler begging for my attention. "Cleaning" means one thing gets clean while another gets dirty. Dinners out can be chaotic and frazzled. Date nights are few and far between and require advanced arrangement for childcare. Traveling must be carefully planned and is rarely easy.

For a while, these life changes were very challenging and stress inducing for me. I admit that sometimes they still are. But, one day I realized that it didn't have to be.

I had just fluffed a load of laundry, and shortly after I began folding, Beulah began to demand my attention. I found myself getting angry at her because I needed to get the clothes folded before they got cold and wrinkled. Didn't she get that? I think I may have even tried, in desperation, to explain that to her. But, as I heard myself trying to convince my one year old of how important this was and I began to pay attention to the level of anxiety I was reaching, I realized how pointless it was. I thought--what does it matter if I walk away from the clothes for a few minutes, meet her needs, and then come back? Is this really worth all the anxiety I'm feeling and the tension I'm putting off on my child?

I started to notice my tendency towards anxiety throughout my day. It grieved me that I was sharing this anxiety with Beulah. I realized my "need" to complete a task once I've started it and my quick frustration when interrupted. I've often wondered if I had a harder time adjusting because it took us so long to have children and I got too comfortable with my life revolving around me. Whatever the reason, I didn't like it, and I knew it had to change.

I paraphrased a quote from St. Augustine that I started using anytime I felt anxiety creeping in. ""God give me the grace to do what you command and command what you will!" At this moment in my life, God has called me to be the mother of a young child, and I need His grace to be able to do that! Saying this to myself when the frustration started rising seemed to help!

Then I thought back through all the years I prayed to be a mom. I realized--I asked for this too. Moms are moms when it's easy and enjoyable just like they are when it's frustrating and hard. We don't get to pick and choose the moments we would like to be a mom and put them off on someone else when we'd rather not deal. When I look at it like this, I can find beauty in teaching my children to walk in the ways of the Lord, even when it's difficult. I can find joy in being the one they run to when they're sick or hurt. I can find comfort in knowing that their little lives are far more important than any task I might leave undone.

So, now, when I find myself frustrated or impatient because Beulah's pace isn't quite as purposeful as mine, or she takes her shoes off in the car when we're already late, or her naps are short and interrupt my quiet time, or she wakes up sick in the middle of the night saying, "I want cuddle", I tell myself--This is part of it. This is part of being a mom, and this is what I wanted. Oddly, it brings me peace and slows me down to a pace where I can love my daughter and appreciate where she is in life and development. When I truly consider that, my patience multiplies exponentially.

Today is Mother's Day. I am missing the Mother's Day breakfast and sermon at church this morning because I'm at home with my sick baby girl. Even so, I feel incredibly blessed, because being here means that I am somebody's mama. Thank you, Lord!!



One of my favorite books is A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming. I want to share a couple of gems from that book.

"...the Christian example of love is best illustrated by the Supreme Example of love...[Christ] limited Himself for our sakes...He was not only a servant; He was also a sacrifice...Jesus did not focus His mind and efforts on Himself. Instead, He emptied Himself of all privileges and rights. Christian mothers must pattern their lives after His example--the supreme example of the loving servant...The world urges us, 'Assert yourself,' 'Fulfill yourself,' 'Liberate yourself,' 'Please yourself,' Satisfy yourself.' But Jesus says, 'Die to yourself.'"

John 12:24-25 "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in the world will keep it for eternal life."

John 15:12-13 "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

1 Corinthians 13, paraphrased by Jean Fleming.
*"If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do not show love in my family--I'm just another housewife.
*If I'm always producing lovely things--sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family--I am nothing.
*If I'm busy in community affairs, teach Sunday school, an drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequate love to my family--I gain nothing.
*Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes--over and over again.
*Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.
*Love doesn't envy another wife--one whose children are "spaced" better, or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests.
*Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.
*Love doesn't scream at the kids.
*Love doesn't feel cheated because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do today--sew, read, soak in a hot tub.
*Love doesn't lose my temper easily.
*Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating.
*Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good. Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children."